Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's top comedians spent their broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa program, labeled the "golden visa," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial program that permits international citizens to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, or "premium" version for 5 million. The program's website guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message here to rich immigrants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the scheme is also designed to "squeeze cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers during financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.